So Long Bandles, It’s Been A Good Run
With 365 days in a year, you’re bound to look more dud than stud every once in a while. Over the years, I’ve certainly had my share of outfits gone awry.
See prudish jumper here:
Did I just lock up at the local library?
And denim on denim combination (with JCrew wedge flip flops, nonetheless) here:
Both of these ensembles were worn during nights out on the town. I think we all understand why I didn’t date much after college now don’t we?
Still, I try not to beat myself up too badly about anything I wore before becoming a Californian. Sadly, prior to 2008, buying something from Banana Republic rather than Old Navy was my idea of couture.
However, that makes the fashion faux pas I now commit all the more embarrassing; and this week, the scales fell from my eyes and I finally recognized one of my worst style crimes to date: The Bandles.
If you’ll recall, The Bandles (which got their name from looking like a combination of boots and sandals) were first mentioned in April 2010 after I purchased them on a shopping trip in Santa Barbara. At the time, I had grand visions of pairing The Bandles with shorts and mini-skirts, much like I’d seen on some of my favorite celebs. And maybe that would have worked, if MY Bandles had been the nice tan color pictured in my blog post OR if my legs were as long, thin and shapely as, say, the other Jenn. Heck, I’d even settle for Rachel Bilson’s gams. She’s more my height anyway.
But no. MY Bandles are black and my legs are the size of (small) tree trunks (perhaps those found in the Elfin Forest), and wearing anything that cuts them off at the ankles turns them into stumps and me into a real, live elf.
And the worst part is, people kept telling me how hideous these shoes were. Hubs hated them from the start and refused to be seen in public with me while I was wearing them and one of my friends said they looked like “Dickies for your feet.” Yet I kept wearing The Bandles proudly like some sort of (un)stylish badge of honor, as if to say “Not all fashion is pleasing to the masses. Screw you and your unrefined tastes, critics.”
Mercifully, one of my co-workers got the idea to take a picture of The Bandles (insert comments like “How weird” and “Does your co-worker have a foot fetish?” here) and post it on Twitter, asking for people to “name that shoe.” Within minutes of looking at the photo he took, I knew The Bandles would be with me on my next trip to Goodwill. Unless one of you wants to take them for a spin. I wear a size 6.5 and will mail them anyone who dares to wear (provided you agree to take at least one picture of yourself in them).
But wait! Before you think you’re getting a free pair of shoes and agree to take them off my hands (feet?), take a look at these bad boys in action.
Yeah. I think we’re done here.