This Is How I Am
The question “How are you?” is commonplace in conversation. As a new mom, I find the answer to this question extremely complex. “How I am” at any given moment seems to depend on how Holden (who was three months old yesterday, believe it or not) is doing. If I’m being honest, however, I rarely answer the “How are you?” question truthfully. Unless you are a close of mine, I usually just reply by saying “I’m good. How are you?” But since the goal of this blog is to give as accurate of an account of motherhood as possible, here’s how I REALLY am:
I’m thankful- For a healthy child. A husband who has turned into an incredible dad. Family and friends who want to invest in my son’s life. A job that I want to return to (part time) and that is flexible enough to allow me to do so. Cats that hate other people’s kids but don’t seem to be phased by mine.
I’m worried- That the doctor will discover that something’s wrong with my son or that he won’t develop properly. About raising a child in a world that is only getting further and further from God. That my stomach won’t ever be flat again. That I’m doing something–everything–wrong.
I’m excited- To see each new developmental milestone that my son hits. To watch his personality and character grow over the years. To take him to Disneyland for the first time.
I’m tired- Of getting up two or three times a night. Heck, I’m just flat tired.
I’m missing- Sleeping in on Saturday morning. Regular date nights with my husband. My independence.
I’m loving- Every little smile and coo. All the snuggling. Dressing him up in collared shirts and jeans.
I’m frustrated- That my house is never as clean as I want it to be anymore. That I can’t seem to get caught up on anything.That other people’s kids are sleeping through the night at Holden’s age and he is not.
I’m blessed- To have been given such a precious (chubby) little gift. By words of encouragement and advice from other moms who have walked in my shoes before. By a Savior who knows exactly what I need to hear each day and speaks those words to me through my quiet times.
I’m praying- Every chance I get that God grants me wisdom to know how to raise a child, because no matter how many books I read, I know that HE is the only One who can really guide me.
And now you know how I REALLY am.